I started this journey with a clear destination in mind, although it was meant to be a long and nearly impossible road. Along the way, I've encountered numerous challenges and moments of self-reflection, which have led me to a place of acceptance rather than anything else.

From 2018 to 2022, my approach to work differed significantly from what I expected. It became this half-hearted pursuit, where I would showcase my accomplishments briefly before retreating back into my own world, seemingly indifferent. While my thirst for training has recently diminished, my desire for a rival and competition has grown inexplicably.

Upon reflection, I realized that it all boils down to personal growth. I no longer feel the need to push myself to extremes or delve into depths as I did before, as the drive for improvement has become ingrained in me. I no longer feel the urge to vocalize what is already known, especially since thorough exploration allows all parties involved to understand the situation fully.

Tennis served as the perfect sport to cultivate intense training around, as it requires speed and skill above all else. It epitomizes the embodiment of competition. My initial goal was to create an everlasting camp, a year-round endeavor, with groups of players who could challenge me: one that could surpass my abilities, another that could match my level, and a final one that fell below.

However, I often found myself entangled in conversations with individuals and groups who wanted me to play for their leagues, disregarding my intention of using tennis solely as an instrument for training. Nevertheless, my passion for competition remained intact, and I strived to find time for true tennis matches amidst my rigorous training routines.

Now, I find myself at a crossroads, as training has become a difficult task to undertake willingly. My attention has shifted towards Pickleball, a sport that mirrors the open runs of basketball, offering both fierce competition and a tight-knit community. Many of the people I train and play with have a background in tennis, bringing that competitive spirit to the court.

This is the dilemma I face, particularly because I haven't engaged in consistent training for several months, approaching nearly a year. Nonetheless, I can still step onto a tennis court and defeat opponents who I use to struggle to even win a point off. For Pickleball, training would be more beneficial for singles matches rather than doubles.

I long to rediscover that unwavering drive, that Kobe Bryant-like mentality of not caring about being liked but being propelled toward greatness that most will never achieve. It's like that feeling of being up by twenty points and pushing to extend the lead to eighty, if possible, in every aspect of life.

I can still get my hands dirty, but I need to find that transcendent level, that "let 'em eat" mentality that makes me nearly untouchable and elevates everyone around me.